This, That and the Other Thing (Because It's Just Never Over)

Wrong even when I'm right. It's becoming a theme.

Alcohol is kind of expensive, we can all agree on that, right? So why was it so unreasonable to say to Our Bum roommate that he needed to contribute more to the alcohol fund? He'll pull out a dollar and ask for a drink, then make himself another three without asking or paying. That's not exactally fair when we are this freaking broke, so I said something. I made him upset, even the hubby didn't want to look at me. I went upstairs and cried, always the bad guy.

Our Bum ended up disappearing for two days, of course without the courtesy call that we have been begging for years for so we know he hasn't ended up in jail or the hospital, like he has been known to do. He felt disrespected by me, because he assumed that things would be more equal once we were roommates and he wasn't just the bum on our couch. I don't know how equal it's supposed to be when he's only contributing a third of what this place needs to keep running and even that is unreliable. He wasn't doing any of the things he said he would do, like finding a new job that could actually pay the bills. I'm pessimistic, so sue me.

I couldn't help but be worried. We are really, really broke. Our Bum was only able to give us some of the money he owed us by putting his tips from work into the poker machine. I try to bring up a semi-important topic that impacts the likely hood or not of peaceful coexistence and he runs away. What's going to happen when it's something more serious then booze?

Oh, it gets better, much better.

The good news: Something really amazing happened for Our Bum. Like life altering, light at the end of the tunnel, choirs singing amazing. On the one month anniversary of moving into this new apartment, he announces he is getting full custody of his son and is moving out.

The bad news: It leaves us completely screwed when it comes to this apartment. Everything was relying on this, on depending on him and trusting that it would be okay. We can not afford this apartment on our own, and I can't even complain because this is the best thing in the world for him and his son. All I can do about it is cry and feel selfish.

The resolution: Betty is going to be moving in with us once Our Bum finds a new place. Not only is this going to cause rumors based on the events covered in my last post, but I'm going to be living with someone that I really don't know very well. I remember now why I didn't like roommates. It should be interesting to say the least. To go with our three cats, she has a cat, a dog and a Guinea pig that she will be bringing with. Like I said, interesting.

In the meantime: Things happened faster then anyone expected and Our Bum's two year old son is now staying with us. Our place is not set up for kids. Environmentally, mentally, nothing. I can't smoke (weed or cigarettes) in my own living room, I felt banished to my room. I woke up this morning to screaming, crying and laughing, all of which the hubby slept through. Added to this inconvenience is the the fact that it is completely up in the air as to when he will be leaving or whether or not we will see any money from him at all, let alone enough to fill the gap needed to pay rent and bills.

Again, I'm the bad guy. I am bothered that we dropped so low on Our Bum's priority list, courtesy having gone straight out the window. I am irritated that there is a toddler running around dominating my house without having even been asked, only told what was going to happen. I'm sick to my stomach worrying about all the financial difficulties we are facing and it's just so much harder for me then the hubby to believe “it's all going to be alright” or “it'll work out.”

Sadly it doesn't matter. The hubby doesn't agree with me so I basically just feel wrong. I can't complain, he doesn't want to hear it anymore. I'm over reacting. I'm melodramatic. I'm probably just some horrible person who can't put up with a two year old. Shouldn't it matter that I am feeling this way though? Even if I am being a horrible unfair bitch, shouldn't it mean something, anything, that I feel so uncomfortable in my own home?

I know I have been emotional lately. Monday was my shot and with the drama of the last month, it was a roller coaster ride I so wanted to get off of. I'm probably being overly sensitive to things I shouldn't be, but what's so wrong with needing reassurance?

I hate to say it, but it even seems like the hubby doesn't want me as much lately. I miss his arm around me when we are drifting off to sleep. I'm sure this is too much information but when we didn't have a door at the old apartment, he'd reach for me even when someone was snoozing out on the couch (as uncomfortable as it made me) but now... we have a door, we have privacy, and we have only “been together” three or four times in the last month. Maybe I'm over reacting, feeling bad unnecessarily, but I'm feeling it, and that makes it at least partially valid, right?

On top of everything, we have been socially stunted by the weather. It's been freezing and snowing since Sunday and no one really wants to venture out on the roads. Monday night consisted of us, Brat and Betty, because they live within walking distance. Tall is still illusive, Sassy still seemingly not speaking to me, and Hairy keeps coming over but only in hopes of seeing Prissy here, who has been snowed in a few towns over for days. It's snowing even as we speak, so it means another trip on the bus for the hubby, turning a six minute drive into an hour long adventure. Ugh.

I'm home alone and chain smoking, so I think it's time to find something better to do. The drama doesn't seem to be ending anytime soon my dear blog, so I'm sure I'll be back before too long.