In Stasis

Ever feel like you aren't accomplishing anything? Even minor little things?

For example: We kind of decided it was time to actually part with the money and buy a new game for the XBox 360. We had been looking around online at prices and options and narrowed it down to two choices, Guitar Hero III or Grand Theft Auto IV. I wanted to check out our local stores first, always preferring to buy items somewhere easy to return them. Turns out, online was a much cheaper option so I tell the hubby that when we get home I will look things up again and we will decide what to do. Peachy keen, right? After we get home, I do just that, look up the prices again and even looked up the phone number so we could check the price at one last place up near the mall. Online was still better. So here I am sitting with the clicker over the "Buy Now" button and I can't get any sort of conformation from the hubby, a lot of "whatever you want" stuff that irritates me my indecisive self. I end up abandoning the computer for a while and try to prod a little of those decision making skills to no avail. Not only would he not settle on which game he wanted, but he seemed to loose interest in the whole venture. I asked him flat out if he wanted to get a game. He said yes, but he thought I wanted to wait for some reason. Blink. Okay, well... first step, ask Ketchup if he still wants to go halves, because that will impact our decision as to what game to get. So he does this finally, something that could have been done at any time, yes Ketchup still wants to go halves. Alright, so we picked which game. Are we sure? Do we want to get it? Yeah, I guess. Sigh. Whatever. "Buy Now." Guitar Hero III should be here tomorrow.

This... routine... could easily be applied to many other scenarios. Something needs to happen, but it seems like it never does. Like moving. We are just waiting. For what? A place to fall into our laps? We haven't even bothered to call anywhere in quite some time, how is that making progress? Instead of moving we are paying yet another months rent for a place that is no longer worth the money or the effort. I want the perfect place, but I am sure as hell not going to get it by just the occasional browse through the CraigsList classifieds. Everything is too expensive or is seriously lacking a major feature such as laundry facilities. We need to go out and look again, and call those places that don't bother to advertise.

Even putting the phone numbers in front of the hubby doesn't seem to work. (He's much better on the phone then I am.) A creditor decided after seven years that I owed money and started calling. The issue could either be dissolved or at least diminished with one call. The number is right here. They call nearly every day now. I don't know how to handle it, the hubby said he would. It's been well over a month.

We are in a holding pattern, with everything. With moving, with Ketchup, with life. I'm always waiting. Even my days seem to consist of mainly that. Waiting for the hubby to get home. Waiting for Ketchup to leave. Waiting to drink. Waiting to go to bed. Waiting to get up. Failing to wait for that next cigarette.

Should I blame myself for not having the will, drive or the confidence to do or change these things, or do I blame him for his disregard or laziness? He doesn't get it. He goes off to work every day, sees people, does something. My life as a housewife has been shattered by the constant companionship of Ketchup and the lack of visits from people we call friends. I am just a jobless, lazy bitch now. I don't feel productive. Probably because I'm not. I haven't even baked recently, it's too hot. The only thing that seems to be improving is my XBox 360 gamerscore, which besides bragging rights, does nothing for me.

I have plenty of half assed excuses to not get a job. First off being that I'd have to find one within walking distance and if we move soon, that walking distance could drastically change. Second being I'd have to have a compatible schedule with the hubby. We've tried the opposing schedule thing and it didn't work, him working graveyard was actually what encouraged my housewife status. I could go on but I would probably bore you.

In stasis. A constant state of waiting. Am I happy? Over all, mostly, the basics I wouldn't change. Am I satisfied? I don't think so, I think the surface needs a lot of work. Do I know how to fix it? No. And if I did, what would I end up doing? Probably wait.

This sucks.

Another One?

As my dear doppelganger must have noticed, I again have a new blog. I said when I canceled the failure that was my collaboration with Sassy that I would probably do something and sure enough I did. The purpose of it? Well... it's much different then this one, I'll tell you that. This one is for my ranting and raving. It's my internet therapy and I wouldn't have it any other way. My new playground is just that, a playground.

MySpace, believe it or not, is just too complicated for that anymore. I find myself not posting things because this person doesn't need to see it, or that person would disapprove, or just not really wanting to expose myself that way to each and every person on my friend's list. My new blog, is what MySpace is supposed to be. A bright fun place to post pictures, videos and whatnot. It's not as private as this one, but I certainly won't be handing the link out to everyone and their mom. I have actually already given the link to a couple people, proof that it isn't the secret wonderland that this lovely little page is. I won't be posting a link for it here but it will be available upon request.

Because of my new little haven, I have finally branched out into the world of YouTube and uploaded a couple videos. Yay modern technology. Our XBox live friend may not be too thrilled about it when he sees the video of himself though. It's kind of hard to tell but it's a video of him... molesting his desk chair. Ha. Revenge is sweet.

I plan on taking the camera with me to our bar night on Monday, and maybe, just maybe I will post some pictures from it on my new blog. I probably wouldn't post them on MySpace because I don't really need people like Li'l Mama knowing all the details of our social life. It's of no benefit to me or them to post everything for everyone to see, but in a slightly more controlled setting them MySpace it might just be enjoyable.

Does my paranoia seem unjustified? Probably, but it would probably make more sense if you knew the people involved because my words certainly don't do them justice. Let's just say I have learned to try and watch my mouth around almost everybody because you never know what is going to be used against you or just come back to bite you in the ass.

On a happy note, the hubby asked and Ketchup gave, we finally got more money out of him. It's so frustrating to see how people spend their money sometimes, so I am glad we got it out of him before he spent it. He keeps talking about setting aside money to re up his XBox Live account, but instead he buys a $25 prepaid card for his cell phone, that already has money and too many texts to use up before the expiration date. Smart. Or getting the fanciest damn razor and realizing later that the replacement blades are too expensive so he just buys a new one of the same kind instead of maybe looking to see which one had affordable refills. Or hell, just leaving the house for the bar with all of his money on him and then the next day wondering what happened to it all.

This is where I send a little thank you to the hubby for letting me handle our money. That and the hubby knows when something is appropriate to buy as a married guy verses a single guy. You don't NEED a bigger subwoofer or a new in depth game that takes hours upon hours of game play to progress when you are married. You do however NEED groceries and no, most of the time they don't NEED to be name brand. Hmm. Yes, thank you hubby, I appreciate it more then I can say. Which is probably why he actually does have the subwoofer, amp, newer speakers and a fancy deck... and that's just the car, heh.

Shh, don't tell but I was in the middle of getting the garbage together when I decided to sit down and post. Oh the joys of being home alone. So yeah, I had better get back to my chores before the hubby gets home and I forget about them completely, heh.

The Novelty Of It All

Did you miss me?

Did you even notice I was gone?

Another week has passed, so I might as well catch you up. Monday, which has fast become our regular bar event, turned out quite well. On top of our now typical list of suspects we had a few extras. In total it was the hubby and I, Ketchup, Tall (shocker there), Hairy, two servers from the hubby's work, two ex servers from the hubby's work, one of their boyfriend's, a cook from the hubby's work and a "you wouldn't believe it, blast from the past," Curly (from the post "High School Flashbacks.")

It was so bizarre seeing Curly again. We had mentioned to him about our bar night over the oh so enjoyable outlet of XBox Live, and he ended up knocking on our door just a little bit later. Funny enough, Moe and his wife might have come too if he hadn't had to work the next day. Curly is still the round, pear shaped boy I knew, except I think he added a few inches to his height and a few whiskers to his face. He's more outgoing then I remember, but I guess in a way we all are. We chatted about our old high school cohorts in between shots of pool and reminisced about the teachers that were worth it. We played the catch up game, comparing tattoos and cars, experiences, etc.

I think we all had fun, everyone getting along with everyone else just fine, despite the few first meetings and a virtual work reunion taking place. I'm pretty sure that almost everyone is going to try and make it next week too. Here's to new traditions.

As for everything else going on in life, there isn't much to say. Besides our Monday's, socially things have been slow and again I find myself lonely. Our little punk rocker friend has visited a couple times this week, which is awesome, I'm not complaining, but no one else has bothered. What doesn't help is the hubby's screwed up schedule. Instead of the normal swing shift, they keep throwing day shifts at him that sadly require getting up before the sun has yet to burn off the darkness completely. (They switch him to day shift and then have to go about covering his swing shift, am I the only one that doesn't make sense to?)

I just finished the book "Kitchen Confidential" by Anthony Bourdain. It's a great book and if you have ever seen one of his shows, you can so hear is voice when you are reading it. His writing style is refreshingly wry and sarcastic, something I can feel akin to. I plan on getting some of his other books now. Raking in the proceeds, huh Tony?

I've been drinking a lot lately, and really, too many cigarettes as well. Not sure why. I always feel like I'm waiting. For what, I'm not sure most of the time either. I'm waiting to move. I'm waiting for money. I'm waiting for motherhood. I'm waiting for our friends. I'm waiting for tomorrow. I'm waiting for something to change.

Whatever though, right?

Tomorrow always comes and yesterday doesn't matter as much as today. It's a semi entertaining and rather draining cycle if you ask me. Too bad it isn't going anywhere though. Am I bitter? Nah.

Okay, there. I posted.

Life is Hard Sometimes

Yes... life IS hard sometimes... but that shouldn't be your landlord's response when you tell him the whole building hasn't had hot water all day.

"Well I can't really do anything about it, I'd have to call a plumber." Um... yeah, and?

Six apartments (totaling roughly twelve people and one infant) and a minimum of three businesses downstairs (one even being a plumber) and it's too bad if none of us can take showers or do the dishes or laundry. It took him about three hours after finding out about the problem (which was after several hours of his phone going straight to voice mail and then getting pissed at us for calling him and complaining) and he finally went to go look at the water heater. This was after already telling us and another tenant to just go ahead and try it again in an hour even though he hadn't done anything. A simple breaker switch in the basement was the problem but screw us for complaining about it, right?

A couple of weeks ago the washing machine broke and he angrily blamed a tenant for it and demanded that the least the tenant could do was bail the water out of the washer so someone could come look at it. First of all, there is a drain. A repair guy is going to know how to use that drain so one of us isn't sitting down there with a coffee cup bailing water off the stairs into the parking lot. Second, the tenant did not break it. It's a twenty year old washer and the switch on the door broke, something that had nothing to do with overloading it like he blindly accused.

These are the wonderful things that keep happening since our rent went up. These issues have come up before but at least weren't met with hostility from the landlord. Uncaring yes, he typically doesn't see a problem when there is one, but usually doesn't go to the extent of getting pissed over it. For example, our fridge. During the summer I have to defrost it weekly or it just stops being cold and everything goes bad. The landlord does not see this as a problem that needs to be addressed ("oh, okay... and?" would probably sum up his concern) which is why I have kept up this routine for roughly four years.

I'll give the man a little leeway, he has cancer, has for quite a while now and the battle does not seem to be going all too well. However, he said (probably three quarters of a year ago now) that he was bringing in a management company to take over the apartments. This was supposed to be the reason for the increased rent and why the hubby and I were relieved of our duties as managers here. None of that has happened. The maintenance has gone to shit around here. The bucket ash tray on the deck is over flowing. The laundry room, hallway and stairs only get swept once every couple of months. The parking lot is littered with cigarettes. I can go on. As far as a manager? Like someone else we could have called about the lack of hot water? The hubby told the landlord that he would have called someone else if he knew who else to call and the landlord said he was "working on it," a phrase that seems like a step back from his earlier declaration.

I think at some point he has to be considered a slumlord. I've been checking with tenants rights a lot recently and according to some of the big-wig websites, this place doesn't even meet the qualifications to be habitable. The mold around the improperly installed windows alone gives each and every one of us the right to move the hell out with way less then the typical thirty day notice. Mold would be considered a health risk, which I am pretty sure means we are only required to give twenty four hours notice. Do you suppose he realizes this? He's had inspectors in all the apartments (though obviously not for the purpose of fixing anything) who have pointed out even more problems then we can see and know about and I am sure have passed on the information.

So? He's dealt with mold, no hot water, and the like before, why can't we?

I'll tell you why, because he's the landlord. He's the person who is by law required to fix these things. According to the tenants rights website, he is supposed to maintain the condition of the apartment and all common areas as it was when we moved in. The windows weren't moldy when we moved in. The bathroom ceiling wasn't falling down when we moved in. The drywall wasn't separating from the lathe and plaster in the living room, when we moved in. We didn't have issues with the hot water when we moved in. We didn't have issues with the washer and dryer and refrigerator when we moved in. We didn't have issues with parking when we moved in. We didn't have the tripping hazard of uneven and loose tiles right outside our front door when we moved in. We didn't have neighbors who were scamming the landlord for half price rent so they could snort coke off the kitchen counter when we moved in.

Yeah.

How do we remedy the situation? Move. That is what it all comes down to, even on the tenant's rights website. We have the right to move. Believe me, we're trying. All we need is an apartment within our price range and an application approval and we are gone. I wish it was as easy as it is to say.

So yeah: Life is hard sometimes. Great motto.

Raising the Bar

Today is Prissy's 21st birthday. Just past midnight last night we texted her and wished her a happy birthday, she called back to thank us before heading off to a bar with a friend. I miss the girl. We sent her a MySpace message inviting her to the bar tomorrow night.

We've been sort of trying to make Monday night, bar night. We have done it a couple times now and there a friends (coworkers of the hubby's to be more specific) who would like to make it a regular thing. Really, I have no complaints about that. Monday night is near dead at the bar, so basically six pool tables and a waitress to ourselves, plus the hubby and I can each get a drink, combined paying less then a single drink for one of us while we were on vacation. What a selling point, huh? On a side note, I just found out that the bar has penny slots. Forgive me if you don't see me for a week, hehe.

So our "bar group" is basically all made up of the hubby's coworkers. Ketchup of course, a couple guys who I couldn't understand a word of because they were speaking Spanish, a guy server and his girlfriend, and a girl server with her boyfriend. Our "friends" were too busy to join us. Hairy was visiting Prissy, Tall was (according to him, only half believable if you ask me) visiting his mom and a couple of our other friends (oddly enough more coworkers of the hubby's) had kids without babysitters or a complete lack of funds.

Looks like we aren't the only ones who think Tall is back with Sassy and that's the reason he isn't hanging out or talking or anything. The only thing I know for sure is the little bits and pieces I pick up from Sassy and her endless bulletin surveys. Last call, last kiss, last person to hold hands with, last person to make her mad... all Tall, though she still claims to be quite single and NOT looking. Okay... Is this why Tall is being a jerk or is there a better reason? I'd love a reasonable reason sooner or later. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I don't care if they get back together as long as they are happy. Is that a shun-worthy thing to think? Sassy hasn't even tried to talk to us since our brief MySpace battle a while back, so whatever, but we've been friends with Tall now for over two years, why does he have to suck?

Today is the hubby's Friday, always a day worth celebrating. Ketchup doesn't work again until Tuesday, so I am not going to feel bad in the least over keeping him awake today as I do chores like vacuuming, defrosting the freezer (again, I just did it like four days ago) and making pizza from scratch for dinner. The guy won't wake up when you shake him violently and blare the stereo, but me typing across the room makes him wide eyed. Fucker. He's awake now, can you tell? If only the hubby would follow suit. I tried waking him up and besides spreading out over my side of the bed and snoring a bit louder, I really didn't accomplish much.

Hold on, Ketchup is loading a bowl that I am sure he will want me to partake in.

(Ha, "hold on"! I am the one going somewhere, not you, hopefully.)

I was right and I took the opportunity to wake the hubby and it turned into several bowls so forgive me if I have lost my train of thought, it derailed about half way through an episode of Scrubs. The first episode to be exact.

Hmm, rereading what I have already wrote, I am not all too sure what I could add. Nothing else new has happened lately. Yesterday I again had to tell Ketchup to not smoke while laying down on the couch. Grr. How many times until he gets the hint? I think he thinks it is kind of a stupid rule. But honestly, it's fire safety. Him half asleep with fire on a stick in his hand does not fair well with me. Nothing may have happened before but it only takes once, right?

Ketchup is proving hard to train. He is finally using the coaster that sits directly in front of him, after two days and probably a dozen times of me moving his cup onto the coaster after he would again remove it, one minor hurtle accomplished. Ten thousand more to go. Ugh.

Okay, um, really, unless you want me to rattle on about the mass amount of video games I have played over the last week, I got nothing else for you. I'll spare you and save the video games for another time because I'm sure that there's someone out there who may actually care, heh.

Later blog.

Ketchup Does Not Go With Everything

I am really getting fucking tired of waking up every damn morning to Ketchup playing my XBox. Every morning. Just two days ago he spent seven freaking hours playing. Avoiding the queen bitch, the only way to get him to stop is to either let him get bored (yeah right) or make the hubby take over and turn on his controller as soon as Ketchup pauses for half a second, something that doesn't work if the hubby is asleep.

The XBox 360 has been great for those days that I wake up so damn early that I can't wake the hubby up yet because he hasn't had his required eight hours and can't have the living room yet because of Ketchup. So to have that taken away, especially on days like today when I wake up at seven in the morning instead of eleven, I get pretty damn annoyed.

Ketchup is sitting here clueless. After twenty minutes (I'm not exaggerating) of shifting back and forth between menu pages, he is finally racing in the damn game. With his iPod on (surprisingly not blaring, I'm used to being able to hear it over the headphones in the next room) and a controller in his hand, he is oblivious to everything. Fucker. Peacefully unaware that he pisses me off on a daily basis, I'm not even sure he would care that much if he knew. He was married you know.

When he's not hogging the XBox and I finally get my own decent turn, playing on the little television in our bedroom because Ketchup is SUPPOSED to be sleeping in the living room, I often realize that no, he isn't asleep. In reality he has changed the television setting and is watching me play. What the hell? Dude. I don't mind being watched when I know I am being watched but this? Come on.

The hubby understands all this, just with no where near the same irritation level. Which leaves me flapping in the wind over seemingly pointless things while they buddy-buddy along, just shy of skipping and holding hands. (Yeah, okay, this is exaggerating.)

I can't sleep, I'm ticked off and really, that's just the way it is and the way it's going to be.

In a week and a half Ketchup will have been in residence on our couch for four months. Today is payday. I want more then our usual hundred from him. A hundred is not what we asked him for, it's what he's offered, with no awareness to the rather frequent conversation starter between the hubby and I of money troubles and the increase of all our bills. We have told him that we had hoped to start putting money in the bank with his added funds, but have been unable to do so whatsoever due to everything costing more, plus a third person to buy groceries for. Buying weed and having more then a reasonable bit of money to blow at the bar seem more important to him. With this reasoning, are we ever going to get rid of him? Ever?

An hour of him playing this stupid racing game and I've only seen him actually race twice, the rest of the time has been in menus. Seriously, does he think anyone else wants to watch this bullshit? He's never asked, even once, if he could play and hog the television and XBox, even when I am sitting right here and he decides to flip it on. Some courtesy would be nice. Anything? Even a sliver?

I'm sure I'm over reacting, I always do, but does that mean I'm not even a little justified here? Come on! Luckily the hubby will be up in ten minutes and hopefully he will put a break on things. Maybe I will actually get to watch television on my new big screen, the shock! Damn it all.

I'm tired of complaining.

Playing Mama Bear

How did I get this job? It's not to say I mind it all that much... at times, but I certainly didn't ask for it and I am far from well trained, or better yet, far from qualified. I think it's an inherent quality from my mom that I just haven't been able to fight hard enough against.

My life is boring, it really is, probably always has been. I don't have a mass of life experience. I was raised relatively sheltered and can hardly be considered book smart, let alone street smart. My knowledge comes from observation. Not only am I a born people watcher but I had no better babysitter then television. I see experiences I've never had and apply my own logic. What would I do? How would I react? What are the better ways to handle this hypothetical situation that I have never been in and probably never will? Even my hubby and I have had long conversations based on what if's that have squeaked by our unconscious minds while watching an old rerun episode of Roseanne.

My advice is not fact. It's not some guide book that I am secretly writing with aspirations of releasing it onto the unknowing public as a know all-tell all about the intricate in's and out's of the human mind. One psychology class and one sociology class in high school make me nothing more then a student of the people, not a teacher of the masses. I can't even take my own advice most of the time, let that be a lesson to you.

I see a problem, or am asked about a problem, and I use all that pointless information stored within my busy head to say something that applies. I am not pulling a rabbit out of a hat, just sharing my multimedia induced insights. I know quite well that what I say (or what I may think) may not work or even apply to every situation. Everyone is different, for better or worse. From the outside looking in, it's always easier, no matter what "it" is. Life should be easier, forgive me for trying to help it along.

Is it cliche to say you care too much? It probably is but I will run with it anyway. Take my relationship with Li'l Mama for example. Like every other nineteen year old girl I have encountered, she'd ask my advice, I'd tell her what I thought, and she believed I was telling her what to do. I hate that. I have no right to tell anyone what to do, why would I start with her? Anyway, our friendship crumbled in part to this. She felt this way and didn't tell me until it blew up, literally. Since then, there have been a few efforts on both sides made, but nothing substantial or effective. Really, I have been avoiding her. Why? I don't want to be in that place again with her. I feel like a dog begging for a treat every time she sends a smile and "hi" my way, because I get that little urge to be her friend again. At the same time, I don't want the disappointment again, of her shutting me out and turning on me. I loved her daughter since before she was born but that dreams of me being the auntie neighbor were dashed as quickly as they formed. I don't want to do it again, and since I can't stop that part of me from proverbially falling, I avoid her. Now back to my point, despite all this, I still care about her. If she needed help, I'd probably be there. I see things she does and it makes me sad some times to know I can't do or say anything.

Same thing with Sassy, though it seems she is thoroughly done with me, and Prissy who I find myself missing dearly since she moved away from the building. I don't mean to play mama bear, but I do. I care about these girls. I want them to realize life doesn't have to be so dramatic. I want them to have fun but not regret their actions. I want them to be safe. Mostly I want them to be happy. I want all this for most people, especially the people I love.

Boys don't easily accept this "treatment" either, but then again, they felt comfortable enough coming to me in the first place so I guess that's something, right? Our Bum would most likely never say it and probably never complain to me about it, but I know I get a little overly mama bear on him. The drinking, the drugs, the bad relationship, the jail time, the warrants, the hospital stays, put together with the diabetes and the fact that he lived on our couch for a year, can you really blame me? I want my kids to have their uncle Bum around dammit. Sue me for caring, it's kind of a hard thing to turn off.

People will make their own choices, own decisions. I certainly have no problem with that. I wouldn't want someone dictating my life any more then anyone else would. I even hold my tongue if or when that "I told you so" moment comes. Sometimes people take a longer road to get to the same place or a different place all together, and sometimes it's the only way they can do it. I would never punish them for that. Do I really have to be punished for caring about them though?

On a related note, we still haven't heard from Tall.

I've been trying not to play mama bear to Ketchup (with his heart, can you blame me?) but the struggle to deny that as well as bitch mode has been getting tiresome. Ketchup does something, I get irritated and not say anything, I try to get the hubby to say something and when he never does and Ketchup does what ever irritated me again, I get more irritated, but hell, he didn't know so I can't get mad at him, the hubby just forgot so I can't blame him, so I guess that leaves me holding the bag just because I was trying to avoid playing mama bear or queen bitch. Then there are the times that Ketchup has been told repeatedly about something and still can't retain it, that's all queen bitch's territory.

My dear doppelganger, tell me if I ever cross a line. I would never mean to tell you how to run your life or anything within it. When you're hurt, I want to be there for you. When your happy, I want to be happy right there with you too. That's all it ever is, please never feel as if it's more. I may have control issues, but those are thoroughly and strategically placed throughout my own life, not in anyone else's. Hearts and hugs to you my dear.

So what it comes down to is, do I stop? And if I do, how do I do it? Is there a switch somewhere that everyone neglected to mention? Some magical way to make it easier to just keep my mouth shut or change my tone or fix whatever it is that seems to be so much of a problem? Or do I continue to give advice when asked and let those same people dislike me for it? Continue to sound like a blowhard giving advice about things that I know little to nothing about because I think what's in my head sounds good and logical? Is it interfering? Is it invasive? Why has it been taken so offensively? Why can a suggestion be so harmful, especially when it's asked for?

My chosen family is so hard to hold together, but honestly a lot of the time I need them more then I need my real family. I am always good with my hubby by my side, of course no complaints there, but they- our friends, are who I need to not feel so lonely sometimes. Why do I feel so lonely? I feel like my kids have left the nest without looking back, full of either resent or just plain not needing me anymore. This feeling will pass, it usually does (this isn't the first time of course) however it would be nice not to suffer within the lulls of social inactivity. I do it to myself, no one but myself to blame for that one really.

If only accepting blame fixed things. Life would be grand, I blame myself constantly for things.

Silly, I know.

High School Flashbacks

Senior year of high school (as I have probably mentioned) I had separated from my less then mentally healthy friends in exchange for a much happier, a lot less worrisome bunch. One of these guys (the one who encouraged me to make the change) was the one who went on to be mine and the hubby's first roommate, though that's not who I am chatting about today.

There were these three guys, we'll call them Larry, Moe and Curly (for no better reason then there are three of them and I needed names to imply that they are quite stuck at the hip.) Larry was a tall gangly blond kid who for as long as I had known him, facial hair was a funny topic due to his attempts at a moustache. Moe was a weird dude, hard to read, always looking like he was squinting against the sun and saying things that you weren't sure whether or not to take seriously. I've actually know Curly the longest, having picked on him since sixth grade. Short, round, plump guy who every time I poked him in the belly, he'd respond with what I'd consider the only right answer, the Pillsbury Dough Boy's coveted "woo hoo!"

These three have managed to stay friends since high school, despite the different ways that life took them. Larry has been married for a couple years now and in the next couple weeks will be having his first child. Moe had a daughter a couple years back and then just last week got married. Curly, having been less of a social flower in high school, is still testing out the dating and relationship waters.

The reason I bring these three up is I'm actually MySpace friends with Larry and Curly (Moe actually rejected the friend request I sent him right after I signed up for MySpace, saying I was supposed to have sent him some sort of message with the friend request. I apologized for not knowing the right procedure and hadn't talked to him again until now. This is what I mean about Moe being weird.) I haven't had much contact with Larry beyond the acceptance of the friend request, from what I have heard, it sounds like he has "grown up a lot" since getting married. Curly on the other hand started chatting with me, telling me about his girlfriend and all that good stuff.

Turns out we both have XBox 360 and Live and a couple of the same games so we started playing together. During a game of Call of Duty 4, low and behold, guess who shows up. Moe, and on his first day playing this game even. He made some comment about my voice being "less stern" then he remembered. I kind of think that he's a little nicer to me now then he ever was during high school. Maybe it's the kid, maybe it's the wife, maybe it's me, I donno. My senior year I was learning the full definition of the word sarcasm, that probably didn't help. Anyway, it's been weird. Nostalgic, flashback, whatever the word for it. They keep bringing up my birthday party from way back. Moe grabbed his first boob, Curly's. Curly did his first obscene things with a banana, probably not the last. Curly even asked when we were all going to get together, and I was even invited to help pick out the "entertainment" for Moe's dad's bachelor party, hehe. I'm still one of the guys I see. Good thing I don't mind.

Moe and Curly keep trying to get Larry to play, but to no avail. There's some sort of rift between Moe and Larry right now. Moe hasn't heard from Larry in over a month, not even a "congratulations and sorry I can't come to your wedding" thing or anything. It's weird. I guess part of it can be explained by Larry's impending bouncing baby boy, but with these guys? It doesn't explain it completely.

Anyway, it's been strange. These boys are rather different then me. To this day still obsessed with Smallville and not even close to being stoners. I bet you they actually go OUT once in a while, heh, and the awesomeness that is still being such close friends after all these years. See? Different.

Except for the occasional MySpace comment, I haven't remained that close to anyone, sadly. Not for lack of trying, but I think the kids that went my direction, aren't really the ones I was friends with back then. Everyone else has kids, higher education, big jobs, better friends, have moved away or some combination of that list put together. I find myself fitting in better with the skater/punk/nerdy/lazy/stoner/gamer crowd, even though I can only barely fit into some of those categories. Tell me how to find more of those people dammit, I need to expand my comfort zone. Show me a person who is perfectly content sitting on the couch watching television, playing video games and smoking weed all day (or at least not caring if I do), and I'll call them a friend, ha!

Gotta go now, gonna get together with the hubby's mom. Arby's, a thrift store and maybe getting my hair trimmed, and then hopefully home before it gets too damn hot out there. I hate ninety degree temperature days, bugs and sweat stains. Yuck.

God Must Have a Sense of Humor

What separates us from animals is emotion, feelings. It's all one big cosmic joke really. We're all different, in what we want, how we're going to get there, everything. Put that independence together with the fact that we are supposed to coexist, cue the punch line. It's not easy, and truthfully I bet it was not intended to be. We get in our own way of it being easy. The Id verses the Ego and the Super Ego. What chance did we have?

Occasionally the hubby and I butt heads but we've learned to coexist for the sake of each other and whatever future we may have together. Ketchup? I am ready to ring his neck. A couple other select few? They aren't very far behind on that list.

I never thought I would be looking to Our Bum for redeeming qualities in a houseguest but here I am doing just that. He noticed the little things. Like the effort I go to, to make the coffee table nice and neat, organized and anal. He uses a coaster then puts it back when he's done. Ketchup? Puts the ashtray on the coaster and his drink beside it. I correct this while he is in the shower and how does he respond? He moves the coaster from my nice and neat location for no apparent reason. This is my issue of course, I know the world does not depend on coaster placement, but when everything is in it's place, it gives me less to obsess over. We could all use a little less of that, right?

How about this, if you had been told repeatedly to not lay down and smoke a cigarette on the couch, don't you think eventually you would retain this little bit of fire safety information and actually do it? Hmm. Guess not if he was laying there yesterday with the burning end of a cigarette less then an inch from that old upholstery.

I am also getting very tired of Ketchup deciding to just stretch out on the couch and go to sleep, at very random and not always convenient times. Like right now. The hubby and I are up before he heads off to work. The hubby is in the shower so it's just me and Ketchup watching television. He just decided it's bedtime apparently and is half asleep without a word. Yes I understand that he needs to sleep during the day, I also understand that even though we have asked some number of times that he try to respect our schedule, he has made no such effort. He sleeps whenever the hell he wants with no discernable pattern and during his four days a week off, sleeps constantly. He doesn't do enough to explain how freaking tired he is. Plus, when he decides actually not to sleep before heading off to work, his performance is shit and sooner or later he is going to get fired. (We will not let him live here for free, he had better think of that.) What sucks even more is the fact that I get to see this behavior more readily now that I am making an attempt to reclaim the living room as it's the new home of our big screen television. My TV, my XBox, my satellite, my living room, my apartment. I wish I didn't feel like I had to keep repeating that, even though I've never really said it out loud to him.

I hate siding with the woman considering she ran off with another man and took his kids with her, but I don't envy his ex wife with having to deal with the day to day life with Ketchup. (Does anyone you know keep their tooth brush in the shower?) I certainly couldn't be married to him, that's for sure. I doubt his trainability, not to sound crude. I don't know if was the overbearing mother who passed away when he was seventeen, the father in jail or just the last nine years on his own to develop bad habits and lack of courtesy. He just doesn't care, it's the reason he isn't doing well at work either. He just couldn't give a flying hoot.

It's frustrating. I had to go over a mental list with the hubby last night, of all the little irritating things that are going to end up giving me an ulcer. I am really trying hard not to be mothering to Ketchup. I am aware I do it so I am trying to avoid it. I am also trying really hard to not be a bitch. Again something I am quite aware of and becoming a harder struggle to keep it in tow. That leaves me with not much to say to Ketchup and a constant string of whining to the hubby to "fix it." This has been going on since March 21st. I'm tired.

I don't know if this is going to make things better or worse but while he was out of town visiting a friend, Ketchup met a girl, apparently something that has been a goal of his even before he moved back to Oregon. This girl lives in Washington. We sure as hell aren't giving him a ride up there ever, and I am not yet keen on the idea of him inviting his friends over. Another redeeming quality of Our Bum, he knew which friends to ask if he could bring over, verses the ones that it's better no one meet. I doubt Ketchup has this disgression.

Due to the "economic stimulus check" (*cough*Bush's suck up*cough*) we again have a real possibility of moving. I still would prefer a two bedroom. I have made it very clear to the hubby that once we are able to offer Ketchup more, like say a room, that he is going to have to contribute more. Already in the time he has been here, rent, gas, electric, phone, satellite, etc have all gone up. Ketchup is yet to actually give us more though. Instead he buys more weed then he needs and spends so much at the bar that he doesn't remember leaving it, much less how. If he expects a room (which ideally at this point I would like to just shove him in a small dark room and lock the door for a while) we are going to need some more compensation, plain and simple. Think I have any luck of making it happen? Yeah, I didn't think so either. See? We all have unobtainable dreams.

Speaking of dreams, Li'l Mama left this morning for Mexico, and at least according to her MySpace, we should all be jealous. In a way I am, I guess. Since getting knocked up she has been to Hawaii, Colorado and now Mexico, gotten a new car, spent hundreds if not more at Ikea, blah blah blah, plus now she has this cute little daughter. What happened to the financial hardship of having a child, huh? I guess it helps that the baby's daddy at nineteen somehow has a job that makes decent money and has a health plan and then giddy grandparents that probably help out quite a bit, but still. No true offense intended but I wonder when the baby's daddy is going to take off running for the hills. I don't see him as the type to abandon his kid by any means but I am guessing that Li'l Mama is more then a handful and being thrust into this instant family can't be easy on anyone.

Oh great, they just started hammering downstairs, like right below my chair. With all the renovations that are continuously done on this building, I can't imagine what they are doing now. This should be interesting if not terribly annoying.

I have the feeling we won't be seeing Tall for a while. In the hubby's words, "he is being a bitch." We asked him over the other night for drinking and video games, Ketchup was visiting a friend (blowing his money at the bar) and wouldn't be home that night so he could even crash on the couch, one of the reasons he claims he doesn't come drink with us anymore. This used to be a good offer. He said he was busy, but if his plans fell through he would give us a call. We joked about his "good plans" falling through being the only way he'll come. He said no, he just made the other plans first, a very "stick up the ass" answer. We then asked how far in advance we need to book him. He didn't respond. Sometime past midnight he texted saying he wouldn't make it by. Considering we hadn't heard from him in like seven hours, we doubted it as a possibility and told him that. He responded with "oh" and that was the last we've heard from him in a couple days. Nice, huh? And this is our number one on MySpace.

So yeah, it's the Fourth of July. I keep forgetting. The hubby went in early to try and get off early, sad considering two months ago he requested it off. They are screwing everyone at work, damn corporate. Not only are they trying to cut hours like crazy but they like put a halt to ordering food. Food. At a restaurant. They are out of everything. Sounds like he just walked into a battle zone. For a restaurant that never closes, they really aren't being very smart. The hubby is going to try and run before the firework display starts across the street from his work, because after the show the restaurant will be slammed and in it's current state, it would severely suck.

If and when the hubby does escape, we really don't have much in the way of plans. At most we will probably sit out on the deck and watch in the distance part of the shows from Portland and then all the locals who bought the illegal fireworks in Washington and set them off in their back yard at risk of a fine and fire considering the close proximity of the houses and the over abundance of trees. Always a lot of sirens on the Forth of July.

Oh a side note, I've started drinking SlimFast in the mornings. It was actually the cheaper option to Carnation Instant Breakfast and works ideally as a meal replacement. Exactly what I want it for, well, not so much as a replacement because what I am replacing is nothing, heh. It's funny, looking at all the vitamins and everything in it, I now have a more beneficial diet then I have in probably years. I am almost looking forward to having to be weighed when I get my shot in a couple weeks because I am having trouble keeping some of my pants up, probably thanks in part to my sheer lack of eating while in California. Who knows how I am doing now with full access to alcohol and cigarettes, but the SlimFast is a step in the right direction, right? I decided long ago that I never wanted to be skinny, not only am I not built for it bone wise but I hate the idea of extra skin. I would rather be comfortable in my skin with extra curves then to be uncomfortable in my curves because of extra skin. It would be nice to be healthier though, heh.

Lastly, I hope you are doing well my dear doppelganger. Relationships are hard, just try to take it easy for your sake. No matter what happens, it's not the end of the world. You a wonderful, beautiful person and someday the universe will return the favor by rewarding you with everything you could have ever hoped for plus a few little awesome things that you never even thought of. I love you hun.

Lookie there, a nice big thick post for the blogging world. I think it's safe to say I made an effort here today, and got some things off my chest like usual. Thank you blog for always being here for me. For now, I am off to switch chairs, the hammering beneath my feet is getting to be a nuisance.

Televisions and Softballs

Oh, where to start.

We'll begin with the eyesore staring me in the face, thanks to CraigsList we got a new television. Forty-six inches of wide screen, picture in picture glory now take up a quarter of our living room. I can't believe we got it up the stairs let alone in our apartment. It's huge, standing almost to my shoulder in height and a full arm length or more in depth.

It started off with browsing. A big television was always the goal but more practically a purchase we would make after we moved, that is until we started seeing drool worthy ads for used big screens for under a hundred bucks. And then we saw it, the television that would soon be ours. Not only was the price (it was $125 or best offer, our best offer was $75 and the lady accepted it, really just trying to get rid of the damn thing for her son) doable but it was located right up the road.

We had to call around, needing someone with a pick-up if this were actually to happen. Sadly I had to settle for our last resort, my mom and her boyfriend. I was expecting dirty looks but ended up with indifference. Even introduced my mom to Hairy, someone she has heard me talk about for years now as the person who fixes our car and computer and basically her reaction was "yeah, uh huh." Typical mom. Anyway, my mom's boyfriend and the hubby managed to get that beast up into a truck, drive it home and then with the help of Hairy, up our rickety old stairs.

After my mom and her boyfriend left, we rolled the beast into the kitchen at laughed at it's sheer size, considerably bigger then the stove as they sat side by side. Now was the time to rearrange and make room. When we took told old television out and set it beside the new one, it looked like the new one had a baby. Jeeze. So to not keep you in suspense, we made it fit, our living room is considerably smaller now but we have a big screen television to show for it and let me tell you it's just awesome for video games.

Sad thing is, if all goes as planned, in the next couple months we will hopefully be moving and having to lug this damn television back down our flight and a half of rickety steps. I think having a living room big enough to fit this beast would make it worth it.

Ketchup is going to reap the benefits of this television more then the hubby and I, you know he will. The living room is his bedroom for goodness sakes. (Ketchup is actually out of town at the moment hanging out with some friends, he doesn't know the sheer bulk of the television yet. Two days in a row I woke up to Ketchup playing video games. Does he not understand why I take my controller in my room with me? It's so I can play during that little window of time that the hubby is still asleep but I don't feel like socializing with Ketchup yet. So as I sat in our room bored as hell, the hubby snoring beside me and Ketchup playing away as if he wasn't hogging the living room, television and XBox. After a couple of hours of this I finally am capable of waking up the hubby and we migrate out into the living room where the hubby takes over the video game before switching it back to the satellite setting. Didn't I say I wanted to play? I should actually be taking advantage of Ketchup's absence and play on this big screen before he spoils it, but instead I am here blogging, and don't you love me for it?

On the gossip front, it looks like Hairy and Prissy ARE still together. He brought her by last night after a four hour unsuccessful wait at the hospital. Prissy was beaned in the face with a softball at a company softball game. Apparently her nose had become a faucet and blood was everywhere. She definitely looked a bit dazed and I bet by this morning the bruising will have set in. I hope she's okay, she probably should have stayed at the hospital until she was looked at and sleep probably wasn't the best option for her. She was hoping last night that the bruising would be enough to get her sent home from work today considering she is a receptionist and has to deal with people. I'm crossing my fingers and toes for her. By the way, they aren't soft so why do they call them softballs?

Tall stopped by for about two minutes yesterday to view our new television. Bastard. After forever trying to get us to go to the bar, and us finally breaking down and going and inviting him, he doesn't go to the bar anymore. Too expensive. Funny coming from someone who doesn't pay rent and lives with his mom. What's even funnier is that's exactly what we told him as for the reason we didn't go to the bar in the first place. We told him he could hang out here for free. He said he knows. Let's see how long it takes him to come by then. I am getting irritated. While we were gone he hung out with Hairy and Ketchup on what sounds like more then one occasion, as well as hung out with Li'l Mama and Sassy. But it's like pulling teeth to get one of our best friends, our number one MySpace friend, to give us the time of day. Tall, you suck.

I keep saying we need more friends, I think it's more a matter of improving the quality of the friendships with the few friends we already have. I am open to any tips because I just seem to be coming up empty. Maybe this is part of the reverse SAD thing, one of the symptoms is increased need for social interaction. Wait, I think that's a year round thing for me, so never mind.

We got our "economic stimulus check" in the mail yesterday. That amount that I was just unwilling to believe would show up printed on a check from Bush, did. Unless we screw ourselves again like we did with the payoff from the guy hitting our car, we will be moving in the next couple months. I can't tell you how awesome it would be if we get into this little complex up the road, it has everything I want. Washer and dryer hook-ups, a dishwasher, one and a half baths, extra closets and bigger rooms, and at a nifty price tag only fifty dollars a month more then our now increased rent. Come on rental gods, I need your help here. With this new television, we pretty much need to get out of here before winter. Not only is the beast blocking the heater but there is now officially no way I can squeeze a Christmas tree in here unless I wanted to hang it from the ceiling and I have a feeling the star will have trouble staying in place.

Today's plans consist of pretty much nothing at all. Video games, weed and later alcohol. Would you believe I have developed a taste for whiskey? How manly of me considering the hubby still prefers our "Sunny Screw" over a whisky and coke.

Remind me I have to vacuum today, after all that rearranging last night we stirred up a lot of dust. Oh yeah, and laundry, getting some laundry done would be nice. I also got a little lantern from Big Lots that I rigged up with some lights that I want to put out on the deck since it's summer and going out there is a little more of an option without the fear of freezing toes or any other appendage.

For now I'm off to enjoy the last few hours of alone time with the hubby before Ketchup gets home. I'm sure I'll have some interesting things to talk about eventually but as I may have mentioned before, I'm boring, ha!