Spiraling Downward While Sitting Still

I'm not sure what else Ketchup can do to drive me batty, but then again, just saying that makes me feel I have jinxed it and he's bound to find something new.

Tell him something, and it's either pure ignorance or "ha ha, my bad." Get pissed off, it won't matter. Sigh, it will go unheard. Cry, it will go unseen.

The other morning the hubby and I woke up to the King of the Hill theme song blaring through our stereo and Ketchup and Our Bum involved in a full volume conversation. This wasn't the first time that morning they had woken me up in some fashion or another, but it was the first the stirred the hubby from his deep slumber. (It wasn't really that early, unless you take into account that we had been up until five in the morning.) So I pulled my ass out of bed, stomped the ten feet to the living room and turned it down, leaving again with a simple "you guys suck" before climbing back into bed where the hubby already lay snoring again.

Our Bum promptly left and we haven't seen him since. That's his pattern. He thinks we are mad at him so he disappears, and even though we have told him so many times before that disappearing just makes it worse, he still does it. Yesterday he actually ended up at a friend of our's house. Someone he only met two weeks ago through us, but apparently where he'd rather be then here.

Ketchup has been out of the house the last few hours. He took yet another day off for plans that fell through and in turn did something that he could have easily done while still working an eight hour shift tonight, flirt with a girl who actually does less during the day then he does. Doesn't it sound like a match made in heaven? He'll hook up with a nineteen year old in his free time, but does he try to contact his kids? Pfft. That would take effort. We all knows he doesn't feel the need to put forth effort.

We've actually been debating the fact that we may just have to have a roommate for a little while if we really want to move. Ketchup? What kind of reliability can we expect? He works very few days a week, takes unnecessary days off, doesn't really like the job plus we already know he is an inconsiderate bastard to live with. Our Bum? The only reason he's really kept a job the past two years was his second kid, but now that the relationship with Poor Me has crumbled and the kids have been at least for the time being sent away, what does that mean for his drive? Tall? His insurance company found out about all his tickets and quadrupled his monthly payments. I am guessing he will be living at home with his mom for quite some time.

Oddly enough one of our best prospects seems to be Sassy. Not only does she get guaranteed money in the form of a child support check from her dad, but she has two jobs. Plus she'd probably understand more then some of the boys that we still want it to be our place, we've lived alone for too long to hand over too much control. However I don't know how much I could handle living with a girly girl, especially when she brings over her girly girl friends.

Finding a roommate other then Ketchup raises another question, what do we do with Ketchup? Any potential roommate would have to understand that we wouldn't be kicking him out, that's not the type of people we want to be, but maybe bypassing him will inspire him to get off his ass and actually do something. It's been over six months since he took up residence on our couch and he hasn't accomplished anything that would even hint that he wouldn't be here for the next six months.

I don't know, I really don't. All I am doing is waiting for something that we haven't put any effort into either. I bring it up to the hubby and get little more then "yeah, uh huh." Neither of us are making any progress so how can I be so irritated that Ketchup hasn't?

It makes my stomach hurt. My eating habits are not improving. I can't sleep right. Monday is my depo shot, I hope it helps.

By the way, my mom still hasn't called. She was a no call/no show for Monday. I expected it really. She had claimed she didn't know if she could come because she didn't know what time her boyfriend got off work from his new job. If she really wanted to come, she would have anyway. She won't be coming this week, I know her well enough to know this. She'll use the excuse that she only got one day off this weekend. Not sure what that has to do with hanging out at the bar for a little while on Monday night, but oh well. We'll see if she calls tomorrow.

I'm done now, later.

Short and Sweet

Just like me.

So, as the title may elude to, this is going to be a short post. I don't have the time or the energy at the moment to rant continuously about the things that I already have so artfully covered in recent posts so let me think if I can come up with anything new.

No, not much as changed with Ketchup, however on a funny note, his paycheck wasn't big enough to blow a chunk on weed. The reason why this is funny because it's become quite obvious that he'd rather keep his own stash to himself rather then share like everyone else who steps foot into this apartment, which means a lot of "lighter flick, pause, cough" for me to listen to in the next room. None of that for at least two weeks! Yay!

On the social front, Monday was fun. Our Bum showed up for the first time in months, and while I'd rather not say it was a good thing, for karma issues if nothing else, but he and Poor Me split, again. It sounds a little more long term this time, the kids are being shipped off to relatives until things are sorted out. Anyways, it meant he was finally allowed out of the house to come visit us and with what can only be considered perfect timing, on a Monday. Tall and Sassy actually came over before and after our bar trip, because Sassy isn't old enough to get in the bar, and it was pretty fun. I miss hanging out with them, even with all the petty bickering and what not.

Our Bum ended up spending the night on Monday and Tuesday, which of course meant a call, and a MySpace message, from Poor Me trying to get a hold of him. Always half in a liquor bottle (funny for someone claiming to be a recovering alcoholic, you should really read her MySpace, she's trying to be a figurehead for single parenting and it's hilarious if not sad) she whined that Our Bum had been going around telling people it was a mutual break up, while she says he left her, though I fail to understand how he could have left her if he is keeping the apartment and she's the one moving out and sending the kids out of state. She treats him like shit, I hope they don't head right back into the same pattern as in the past.

Prissy called the other day, under the ruse of chatting she finally got around to asking about Hairy's new girl. It's not that she doesn't want Hairy dating, hell Prissy has already broken up with a guy since the split with Hairy. It's that she knows this girl and who and what she is, and apparently she is a skank. I don't know if it's jealousy or what, but I've still been impressed that Hairy and Prissy have managed to keep some sort of friendship. Anyway, she basically wanted to know if Hairy was going to be bringing the new girl to next Monday because Prissy was thinking of coming. To be honest, I don't know. We really only see Hairy on Mondays and last Monday he was camping. Prissy ended up coming over. She had been hanging out with Hairy until he got a call and then came next door to see me. I miss her. I miss the girl talk. I'm glad she managed to make it past Li'l Mama's door to get here.

Last night Tall and Sassy came over, it was like old times, even Sassy said it. "Remember when..."

Looks like Tall is going to try and come to the bar this Monday. From the sound of it, quite a few people have already cleared their schedule for it, a couple of them may even be my mom and her boyfriend. That should be interesting. I have really been trying to get into the mind set that my mom can't judge me. About anything really. Weed? Hell, I started by pinching off her plants. Cigarettes? I used to sneak them from her pack when she was in the shower. Swearing? Grandma's not around, it's okay. Alcohol? She'll be drinking too (I'll have just started a few hours earlier.) So yeah, with this new mentality giving me strength, I'm hoping all will go well.

Alrightie, that's about it for now, I'm addicted to a new game we got for the XBox 360, Viva Pinata, and I feel it's about time to get back to it before the hubby gets home and wants to play Guitar Hero. Love you blog! (Love you doppelganger!)

Moms, Mondays and Migraines

Oh, where do I start? In some ways there has been a shift, in others... ugh.

Let's start with my mom. I wrote my letter. My declaration of independence. I said I couldn't do it anymore. I said I couldn't keep up the appearances anymore. I said I wanted better, that I wanted more. I had the hubby read it. He said it was perfect. Thursday night, after four or five drinks, I finally hit the send button.

Monday morning, I had a response. She's sorry. She gets it. She wants better too. She's not going to hassle me about grandma anymore. Tuesday I had another email from her, reinforcing it. I called her yesterday because I actually had some time home alone and we talked for an hour, I can't remember the last time that happened. We didn't even talk about the letter, we talked about everything. She listened, engaged, I felt her trying. She's even going to come to the bar one of these Mondays. I can't believe it. We deserve this, it's just surreal.

While that part of life seems to be on the upswing, Ketchup on the other hand, is not doing much for my peace of mind. A day after "I'm just so broke" he defies logic and starts spending money like he has it to waste. Instead of re-upping his phone with the ten dollar a month plan, he goes to Cricket and spends five times that much for bullshit he doesn't need. Now the phone is a constant extension of his hand, he's constantly on it either texting or playing around on MySpace. Even with this fancy new phone and unlimited everything, he can't let us know when his plans change or when we can expect him back home. Nifty. Another smart way to save money, he had quit smoking, so of course he had to go buy a couple packs. For reference, that's not quitting. The hubby told him to get out of the house more, so he decides to spend the day at the bar, and this was after blowing off going to church with the girl he's trying to hook up with, with the excuse of being too tired. Nice. Then the bastard gets irate at work because a guy who started after him was getting off before him. It was on the schedule that way, the hubby warned him, it happens to everyone and still he throws a hissy fit. Ugh.

At least Monday night was good, it was actually the night of Ketchup's hissy fit so he wasn't there and one of the gals (that I'm yet to name here) gossiped about him. Always fun. People are getting so comfortable with the camera that when I go through the pictures later, I don't know who took half of them. It's been a good experiment for me, letting myself be so photographed, but I think I'm doing well with it. Hell, some of the pictures are on the internet, I think that shows a pretty good increase in my confidence.

Speaking of my pictures on the internet, the hits on my other blog have doubled in the last couple weeks. More and more people know about it and love it. Yay me!

We upgraded our internet yesterday and it's been pretty nice. They sent us a free modem so we get to send back the one that we have been renting (five bucks a month for over a year now, could have bought one for cheaper then that dangit.)

Since I seem to have gotten quite boring and really can't seem to keep my train of thought with this headache brewing (maybe it's that I haven't eaten yet) I am going to go ahead and wrap this post up, Ketchup is starting to snore on the couch and it's getting distracting anyway. Later folks.

Stagnant Waters

Ketchup just sucks, so we won't start with him, we'll go with Prissy first. Prissy stopped by last week, not only to use our bathroom but to catch me up on all the juicy gossip. Prissy and Hairy are officially over and if you want someone other then either of them to blame, it's Li'l Mama.

Hairy and Li'l Mama have a weird relationship. It goes way back to when we first all became friends. Prissy had been telling Li'l Mama about all her insecurities in the relationship, one of them being the dangers of MySpace and not wanting Hairy to have one. Less then a week later, Li'l Mama sets Hairy up with a MySpace. She's also the one who kept pushing Hairy towards one of her old roommates, all the while claiming to be friends with Prissy. Anything happens and they run to each other with the information. (This is why Li'l Mama flipped out on me for complaining about her pounding past ten at night, Hairy told her we had complained and some how that turned into ranting and raving about her.)

Hairy either doesn't see or doesn't care about the disrespect and when it came down to Prissy asking, begging for him to at least stand up for her if not limit communication with Li'l Mama, through tears and claiming how much he loved her, he couldn't do it. I'm not saying that Hairy and Prissy were the perfect couple, but their lives would probably had been so much easier if it wasn't for the interfering of Li'l Mama.

Hairy and Prissy are so over that they are seeing other people, it's strange but I guess healthy in a way. Hairy's roommate's girlfriend kept updating Prissy as to what was going on, something neither Hairy or Prissy thought was quite right. Li'l Mama freaked out and changed her MySpace status so it said that "some guy's girlfriend's need to mind their own business." Ha, guess that doesn't apply to Li'l Mama in her world.

Prissy is kind of in the same boat with me when it comes to Li'l Mama, it just isn't worth it anymore. I told Prissy my side of Li'l Mama's picked fights, because of course she had heard about them through the grapevine. She knows, she gets it, she believed me. It was great hanging out with her, though it ended up being a gossip party in the bedroom on the bed because Ketchup was asleep on the couch, something that reminded me of the olden days with my mom and her friends disappearing into her room to chatter for hours. Our conversation ended when Hairy arrived, she had been here to return his ring, and while they behaved better then most exes I know, I bet it wasn't an easy situation.

I'm actually probably going to be seeking out a bit of Prissy's help, considering the letter I am writing to my mom. If anyone understands mother issues, Prissy does. Though she still is for the most part still stuck beneath her mom's thumb, they have had their fights and she has done her rebellion and can still tell the tale.

This whole thing with my mom is daunting. I started the letter yesterday, and while it makes me feel better, I can't help but be terrified at the thought of actually sending it, something that I am becoming more and more convinced that I actually have to do. The hubby says worst case scenario, it will take a few years to work itself out. Years? It could be years before things might be comfortable again with the person who for the first eighteen years of my life, was my everything? It's scary. I feel like I'm cutting myself off from my family, but I can't seem to find a much healthier path then to finally stop pretending, at least with my mom and grandma, the ones I am supposed to be closest to. I want better, we all deserve better. I'm not going to pass this legacy down to my kids, because they sure as hell deserve better. Is it so bad to want to know the people you call family instead of just keeping up appearances with the occasional card? Is it so bad to want to know my mom? Is it so bad to want her to know me? Sigh. Twenty-six years gearing up for this and I'm still not ready. The hubby says you are never ready. Not helpful.

Ketchup... oh Ketchup. The hubby hasn't talked to him yet, having forgotten during the few brief opportunities he had. He plans to talk to him about being so stagnant, spiraling into what he was before he moved in with us. Someone who barely works, smokes weed constantly, doesn't go anywhere and continuously taking advantage of his roommates resources. He can't do that here.

He eats more of my food then I do, drinks more of my soda, watches more of my television, plays more of my XBox then I do and he spends more time with me then the hubby does. It's not fair. Put that together that he can't retain anything we've asked of him (i.e. stop moving the shower head so the bathroom stops getting soaked, put your shoes away so the cats won't pee on them, stop drenching yourself with cologne in the kitchen because it's horrible and choke every time, don't play XBox in the morning because it's my can't sleep medicine, etc) and I'm fed up. The hubby plans to talk to Ketchup tomorrow since they work together. We'll see what happens. I want respect, courtesy in my own home and for him to get out of the damn house every once in a while whether it means trying to pick up more shifts or hanging out with this nineteen year old girl he said he wasn't going to go after, it doesn't matter. Is that too much to ask?

Alright, I have to go. I have laundry to fold, pasta salad to finish, my letter to work on, and a few other things before the hubby gets off (hopefully sooner rather then later.) I also have to post Monday's pictures on my other blog, I keep slacking due to lack of drive to hang out in the living room with Ketchup, but alas, my loyal viewers want more and I am going to give it to them. I'll be back to complain more soon, I always am.