Now that the day of hearts, flowers and curly haired diapered babies with wings and a bow and arrow is over I can now bitch about all those loved ones I hold so dear without the guilt of St. Valentine hanging over my shoulder.
It's hard being stuck in the middle. I don't have kids yet, so hanging out with the friends who have already signed on for parental duty isn't always as entertaining as it may appear. I am twenty-five now so I am slowly getting over the "old enough to know better but still too young to care" mentality, which makes it harder to hang out with the younger crowd who still believe that being stupid is fun in some fashion. Those who don't fit into those two categories are typically the ones who have better things to do (or better friends to be with).
Our home has always been considered a fairly popular rest stop to our friends and our friend's friends. A place you could stop by without calling and end up spending the day just hanging out in good company and with good food. That being said, it's been a little quiet recently. Even those my husband and I have called our best friends, have slid to fit into the above categories.
At twenty-seven, one of our closest friends only occasionally fits into the "still too young to care" section but spends all of his time now in the role of Dad. Don't get me wrong, I do not spite him for this. His kids are beautiful and he obviously loves them more then life itself, unfortunately his significant other is not to my liking, but that's another story. This guy lived on our couch for a year, he was our adopted child, the stray that followed us home and we kept him. Now we don't even get visitation and apparently his Neanderthal ways have prevented him from ever learning the skills it takes to properly use a phone. I miss him.
At twenty and eighteen, a couple friends of ours just barely fit into the "old enough to know better" classification. Young enough to believe that driving down a country road in the middle of the night with no headlights and smoking weed is a fun activity. Young enough to drink and hop into their car without a driver's licence between them. Young enough to splurge their whole paychecks on crap, then complain that they are too broke to pay bills. And apparently young enough to think the hubby and I are too old or boring. These, for quite some time now, have been our closest friends. They moved back to town to be closer, they used to come by almost every night, even crash on our couch when the occasion called for it, called and texted all the time. For the last couple weeks it hasn't been that way. They only come over now when they can get money out of us, and they have stopped calling and texting all together over the past few days. I miss them.
Another friend, the same age as me, is someone I have called my best friend on and off for many years. We met in fourth grade and that first sleep over consisted of us two giggling girls making fun of all the contestants in the Miss Universe competition. Our friendship lasted on and off through a good chunk of high school, until I couldn't handle the pressures of our social group any more and I got out. So of course, as is the way with high school girls, I was shunned by them. After well over a year she and I ran into each other in the hallway at school, and she realized she only hated me because the rest of that social group hated me, and we became friends again. The problem with having a friend with so many other friends, is you end up a lot lower on their list then they are on yours. Though I have called this girl my best friend several times over the years, I find it doubtful that she would say the same thing about me. That's where we are now. I haven't seen her in over a year, sad considering we don't live that far apart. We talk every once in a while but she is always so busy that it just leaves me longing for the old days lounging in her old bedroom listening to Adam Sandler and Green Day. I miss her too.
I've never had the best relationship with women, I blame my mother because she is the same way. I am not one of those girly girls who is driven by make-up and fashion, I could care less what brand I am wearing. All the high pitched whining that tends to come with the female race has made me appreciate the company of males so much more. I look over some of the women friends I have had over the past few years, a couple of young neighbors come to mind who things were fine with until for some reason both started trying to pick fights with me over pointless bullshit. This is a great example of how things end up going when I make a new girlfriend.
I am not a hater or a fighter but I can be a bitch when the need calls for it, and I am certainly not willing to waste energy on pretending to like someone who doesn't like me. My husband says this is part of my problem. That it would be easier to put a smile on and not let it bother me, but he's wrong. It's not easier for me. In that sense I am definitely all girl, I dwell, I hold on to things that hurt me because I don't want to be hurt again. I cry when my feelings are hurt even if the situation or the person isn't worth it.
Don't get me wrong, we still do have a few good friends who don't disappoint as badly, friends who fit into those previously stated sections but still feel we are worth the time. We even still love those who flake continuously, I just choose to bitch about them occasionally to feel better about it.
To all my friends, I wish them the best, no matter where life takes them even if it is away from us.
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