Weighing the Issues

So I am not sure how it happened, but my skinny pants fit. All of them. Even the one or two I have that I would go through the high school effort of laying down on the bed just to button the button and never wanted to wear if the occasion came to sit.

My bigger pants? Where they once hung on my hips without (much of) a problem, now end up falling even in just the short trek from one end of the apartment to the other, at least without the aid of a belt or just holding them up the whole damn way.

Unfortunately I think I have Ketchup to thank for this. My eating habits have gone even more to shit since he joined us in our humble abode. I start the day out with a cereal bars or granola bar... and end with a halfway balanced dinner and a lot of alcohol, nothing but water and soda in between. I'm doing it to myself, I really can't blame him. I just don't feel like eating. Which is why I finally added the cereal bars and granola bars, just so SOMETHING was in my stomach.

I wish it was a good thing, the not wanting to eat I mean. I just end up feeling like shit and I know that's not healthy and a sure way point myself in the right direction for diabetes. Part of it is lack of drive to not only cook (or prepare as the case my be) but to actually eat, the other part is I am horribly neurotic about my teeth. I get a slight gum ache and I have dreams of my teeth falling out.

Yeah, I know, silly. It started when I was twenty and finally got my first cavities (at the fault of my orthodontist for leaving my braces on for six years, three years longer then needed) and only increased ten fold when I chipped a tooth two years ago. Not having been able to afford dental the past few years work is probably part of the reason for my concern as well. The hubby tells me not to worry about it. It's kind of like telling me not to breathe for a little while, it just doesn't work out as well as one would hope.

Okay, so back to my skinny pants. I have no clue how much I weigh. Two months ago it was like 248 but since I don't own a scale I won't know again probably until my next depo shot appointment in July. (I just renewed my ID and lied about it, is that bad?) I can't really say I care about the number much, it's the way I feel in clothes and within my own skin and most importantly my health. I know I can be a perfectly healthy big girl, but not with my eating habits and certainly not with cigarettes in the mix.

Alas, I am weak and severely lacking in will power. I'm not making any new years resolutions but that's only because I don't want to set myself up to fail just yet, I'll wait until I like my chances a little better. (And yes, I know that sounds like a horrible excuse and a stall tactic.)

Anyway, the hubby still isn't home yet (he works at a 24 hour restaurant and it's graduation season, you do the math) so I am going to go fix myself a drink and enjoy our free preview of the movie channels.

Later 'gator!