Riddle Me This

Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me.

I hold onto things way too tightly. When ever something bad happens, I just wait for it to happen again.

For example, several years back and two cars ago, my first car had a battery that died at a drop of a hat. So of course, when I got my second car, I expected the same thing to happen. It didn't, it came down with a whole new problem, it would idle hard every time you had to stop, having a bad habit of dying at stoplights. When we got our most recent car, I again assumed the same problems even though they don't exist.

A couple years back, a pipe burst beneath our sink, when trying to turn it off, the shut off knob broke in the hubby's hand. It was a big ordeal, it involved shutting the water off to the whole building and multiple trips to Home Depot. A couple months ago, our toilet started acting up, getting all loud and scary. Can you guess what I was afraid of happening? It wasn't even possible in this situation, but I was afraid of something exploding or the like.

Several months ago I was making pies and forgot to compensate for the extra drippings that leak from the pan. In no time at all the kitchen was filled with smoke and I was home alone. I panicked. It was just the oils burning off the bottom of the oven but I was so worried I called the hubby at work to talk me through it. Seriously, no harm done, nothing burned, no fires, nothing. However, now I think about it every time I reach for that button to turn on the oven.

Apply this reasoning to the rest of my life and I may be a little easier to understand. A friend, coworker or peer screws me over. I can forgive, but I don't forget and I end up waiting for it to happen again.

I think that's the issue I have with a lot of people, say like Li'l Mama. So far, for as long as I have known her, she has picked a fight with me every December. Before the second time happened, I expected it, I was waiting for it, I just didn't know when it was coming. Did it taint my reactions? Probably. Was I right? Yeah. Do I think it's just a matter of time before it happens again? Duh.

How about Tall and Sassy behaving like we were the plague and Prissy wordlessly hating us again? Yeah, I figure that will all happen again too. It never seems to be "if", it's always "when" with me. It's probably the reason I haven't tried to contact a few old friends from high school, it's not a history I want to repeat.

It doesn't make it feel any better when it happens. Even seeing it coming, it still feels like a surprise. It's not necessarily a good feeling to be repeatedly stepped on, but I don't seem to be making any effort to change the pattern. Am I too nice? Then why am I such a bitch? It certainly is a riddle of epic proportions.