Lights, Camera, Action

Well, I called it. Within a couple hours of her post yesterday, Sierra changed her mind and is now devastated, blah blah blah. So when do I get to wag my knowing finger at her? Who knows. I convinced Tall that we are not lepers and to stop by after work last night, he was the one who enlightened me to her freaking out. By the way, if you read what she said, it looks like part of it is not true. He didn't decide to move out all on his own, he said she kicked him out and that they didn't actually break up until a couple hours past writing her little declaration of independence and excitement. (Tall doesn't read her blog just so you know, he respectfully stays away from it so she can have some privacy. And this is the guy she can't decide whether or not she wants to be with, sheesh.) I asked him what he wanted. He said he just wanted to be happy and stop this flip flopping. Duh, I could have guessed that pretty accurately. I guess we'll see how it all works out, again.

Enough about them, this blog is about me dammit.

We bought the camera for the XBox 360 yesterday and I was right. It is a huge exercise in self confidence. What doesn't help is teenagers asking my hubby for my cup size and whether or not I'm hot. After about four drinks (liquid confidence you know) I eased in front of the camera and sat next to the hubby. The kid who had been begging all night to see me finally stopped. He had his computer sing "I Like Big Butts" and I will take it as much of a compliment as I can. No insults or anything at least. He had seen a picture of another gal we had been playing Uno with and started going on and on about how ugly she was. I have to say, after seeing a picture of this girl who really wasn't that bad (everyone looks a little bad that close up dammit) my reservations perked back up but luckily the alcohol helped when the time came.

I guess them knowing what I look like could have gone a lot worse, I have no real reason to impress a bunch of teenagers who can't get a girlfriend in the first place, right? I got to say though, it's an eerie thing to see yourself on television especially while knowing people across the country can see you too, and odd how easy it is to forget there is a camera on you after a little while. As I said before about my camera shy ways, I am trying to beat it. I don't know if I will ever do the elevator, stairs or canoe trick as my hubby did right after plugging the camera in, but at least I am taking a step in the right direction. Yay me.

The other day I brought up an issue with the hubby. I told him I needed a little more of my hubby and a little less of Ketchup's buddy. (There is an important distinction.) Pretty bad timing on my part though, it was the first of Ketchup's four days off and just after the hubby had gotten home from work at the end of a long week. There was nothing he wanted more then to just plop down in his chair and relax and bullshit with Ketchup, while I made dinner and simply wanted a little company.

Let me try to elaborate as to why I am having so much trouble. One to three times a week, I get a half hour or so alone. Three times a week, I get roughly four hours alone with the hubby before the requirement of sleep steps in. (And that's if no one else stops by.) Five days a week, for around nine hours a day, I am alone with Ketchup. (Which means he sleeps whenever he wants to and I go sit in my bedroom and wait for either him to wake up or the hubby to get home.) Whatever time is left over it's the three of us, me, Ketchup and Ketchup's buddy, typically known as my hubby. Am I wrong to be unsatisfied?

Even the hubby's mom asked me how I was doing with the whole situation, figuring I'd be a little left behind when it came to "the boys." I'm impressed, it was an enlightened concern. It felt good that someone realized I could be having a problem. The hubby knows, it's just apparently easier said then done to do anything about it.

I can't wait to go down to California. Almost a whole week away from almost everything and anything. My grandma should make up for the lack of chaos I'm sure, but at least it will be grandma stuff and not friend stuff. No matter how much you try, your family isn't going anywhere, you never have to wonder if they are gone for good. Friends on the other hand, even when you consider them family, shit can always hit the fan. I'm looking forward to Disneyland. I want to play. I want to be a kid again.

My mom's friend plans on taking us out for lunch while we are down there. She can't believe in all the years I lived down there that I never went to a Ruby's, apparently there's basically one at the end of dang near every pier and while I have visited the Huntington Beach Pier, we never ventured into the restaurant at the end. Honestly, there's a lot of things I didn't do that I probably would have been expected to having grown up across the street from the beach. Never been surfing, boogie boarding, fishing, nothing. I used to dig for sand crabs though, impressive for me considering now I can't even have a ladybug on me without freaking out.

When I was little, my aunt and cousins came and stayed with us while their big huge house in Aspen was being built. In those nine months or so, they experienced more of southern California living then I probably still have experienced to this day. My family bought my cousins boogie boards, which beyond knowing what they were, I was foreign to. They surfed, they hiked, they took tennis lessons, while I was sent to summer school not because of my grades but because my grandma decided she wanted me doing something during the summer months. I still wonder occasionally if it was because they had money or if I was just treated differently. Given my family it could be either explanation.

On a very side note, I got my shot on Monday (I'm referring to the real Monday this time) so I am looking forward to seeing how it effects my coping skills. Considering I cried myself to sleep the other night for no good reason, I am guessing it will be a positive outcome. If not, this whole living situation may need to be reevaluated, but even that is a little of a fantasy. God we need to move.

Today is the hubby's Monday, again. It never fails, it always comes around again. On a lighter note, tomorrow is Ketchup's Monday... or Wednesday... I'm not sure. What would it be if you only work a three day week and then enjoy a four day weekend? And me? What day of the week is it for me? Who fucking knows, ha!