Confirmation

Turns out I wasn't just being paranoid. I am the problem. Apparently there was more to the conversation when Tall texted the other day and asked if we were alive. They think I hate them. Great, huh? Hell if I know what gave them that impression, they haven't come over in almost two weeks. I have been sitting here wondering if they hate me, and for some reason they think I hate them. I'm hurt and I'm offended but I sure as hell don't hate them.

The hubby and I were talking about tone, how it becomes obvious from the tone of my voice that I'm upset. I don't know how to change my reactions to things. I told him that I'm on this road over here (with my reactions) and where I need to be is on the road over there (with better reactions), but there just seems to be no path for me to get from one to the other. Instead of some insightful words of wisdom all he could offer me was basically if I can't get to that other path then I'm screwed, no those weren't his words but that was the gist of it. It hurt, he didn't mean it, but some how it didn't make it better, probably just because it's true. So I'm stuck and my lifeline to the world doesn't know how to help, that doesn't put me in a very good place. Either I'm a bitch or I find a better way to internalize it. It's a heavy feeling.

I haven't been sleeping well. I think it's time for a nap.