Fight For Me

Couples who break up and get back together all the time irritate me. Why is it that these people, when in a fight, skip over the actual fighting and go straight to "we're over, I never want to see you again," and various other things that they regret, just to ignore it all by the next day like it never happened?

As you can guess, Tall and Sassy are back together (if they were ever actually apart.) Supposedly they are taking a break, they tried this before. Their definition of "taking a break" is basically not calling each other together, but being together still in every way, until one gets pissed and wants to put a label on it again. It makes me want to pull my hair out.

The hubby and I have had our fights. Earlier in our relationship, after we first moved in together, we had some problems. Most of those problems led back to a string of bad room mates but not all of them. There were issues with another girl, I don't know the whole story really. It's a conversation we plan on having some day, just because I'd rather know then wonder, but it's not worth dredging up again yet until it can't do the same damage it did initially. Even though this is my little tell all area, I feel weird talking about it. Every time it comes up, it turns into the elephant in the room and it's obvious we aren't ready to talk about it, but I've told him I'll want to eventually, he knows.

When the hubby and I fight it's typically about hurt feelings, nothing detrimental. My mind never drifts to the dangerous side of things and wonders, "is this it, are we done?" A fight could not take us down. I cry, he cries, we make a little headway, and we move on. Many of those average fights wouldn't even happen if we loosened up a little. I get upset, sometimes I just need to be upset before getting over it. The hubby doesn't always get that, even after eight years, so he gets upset and we have our tiff. I'm not mad at him, I'm just mad but he feels like I'm taking it out on him. It's the mystery of women I suppose, men just never understand it, I can't blame them. At least I know that when we fight, the only thing at risk is a few feelings, not our marriage.

Only once has the hubby ever walked out the door after a fight. I remember my heart pumping with all the "what if's" that could mean. A little while later he returned, with flowers. He couldn't believe he had walked out and promised never to do it again, he hasn't.

Tall and Sassy take fighting to the next level, I've witnessed it because they have no problem arguing with each other while sitting on my couch. She'll say something to him and he won't hear it, either because he is zoned out on the television or because he is involved in another conversation. Suddenly she is yelling at him for not caring about her, my god girl, shut the hell up. Sometimes I have to say something three times before my hubby hears me, not because he doesn't care but because he was distracted, novel concept isn't it? We watched a similar situation with a couple of the neighbors recently. The chick had said something to her boyfriend, he didn't hear her, the television was much more enthralling. She tried again, nothing. Finally she said the word "boobs" and he looked up, she laughed. Wow, enlightening to see someone not flip out over it.

When Tall and Sassy fight, they go for blood without fear of consequence. He once took away her flat iron and told her he was taking away the only thing that made her pretty. She calls him a drunk and a stoner going nowhere in life when in reality they are in the same place. I used to sympathize with her, I wanted to help. Tall has issues with his mother that govern the way he deals with things, honestly like a teenage girl, Sassy on the other hand is just mentally young so she changes daily how she deals with things and expects everyone to keep up or be damned. You'd almost think they would be perfect for each other.

I believe in any relationship you have to fight. If you don't argue, how will you get things out, work on it, and compromise? Communication is the most important thing, and hell, arguing is communication. Realize, hey, I'm pissed off about this, I have to say something about it, and if I feel that strongly about it, we have to work it out before it gets worse. But at the same time, you have to realize when it's not worth it. You got to be sure you know what you are pissed at before going into full attack mode, actually, full attack mode is best avoided in most cases but you get my point. Through arguing you find your compatibilities and incompatibilities. You can find what issues you are willing to give on, and which ones are too important to sacrifice.

Tall and Sassy need to realize that you don't have to cut to the quick every time, or they just may end up finding out they are not right for each other. When your dating it's easier to throw around the word "breakup" but when you are married, it's the word "divorce" and it's a much bigger deal. When you are talking together forever, you have to change your tactics or risk screwing it up big time. I don't know if that's in the future for them.

I'll wrap this up by saying I love my hubby. He's worth sacrifice, he is worth compromise. He truly is my other half, even when we are in tears, in the dead center of a fight. I plan on growing old with this man, and even if for some unforeseen reason that doesn't happen, I will never regret our life together, he will always be a part of my heart no matter what. With all the hurt that some couples throw at each other, will they be able to say the same thing?