Taking It Too Personally

Again I find myself up earlier then I'd prefer, by a couple of hours actually. The hubby lays asleep in the next room and the cats won't leave me alone due to being overly needy, apparently overnight is too long to go without attention sometimes. Even now as I type, the oldest (and fattest) of my feline kids keeps trying to take up valuable real estate on my lap. A hard task when there is a keyboard in the way.

I'm sad this morning, despite the delight of waking up to long awaited rain. My fair weather friends are bringing me down, again. Two of them more then the rest, again. I've mentioned them before and I'm sure I will again, so how about we call them "Tall" and "Sassy." The hubby and I met Tall about two years ago. He was a neighbor, dating a girl who still resides next door. We hit it off instantly and within a couple weeks we were partying it up at Tall's birthday party, drinking way too much alcohol and smoking a generous amount of herb. Tall was our kind of guy.

A couple of months later, Tall and his girlfriend broke up. It was a big long over dramatic blow up and we didn't end up seeing him for months because he was afraid to come around considering the ex still lived here. When he did finally wander back into our lives, he brought Sassy with him. Young, inexperienced, still in high school at the time. They'd be a decent couple if her immaturity didn't shine through so strongly but I have always been willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and liked Sassy even though a lot of our other friends didn't because she wasn't Tall's ex.

A couple of friends even stopped coming by, disgruntled by the idea, but Tall and Sassy were becoming better and better friends of ours, so it didn't matter. It's the quality of friends, not the quantity, right? So Tall and Sassy soon filled the position of our closest friends, but sadly they decided to move to the other side of the state for school. They'd come back every weekend and crash on our couch. One because it was better then staying with either of their parents, and two it meant they could drink. Considering I've already mentioned in a previous post that they moved back, it obviously didn't work out down there. They did move back, in part because we were their best friends, and we couldn't have been more happy.

That lasted almost two months, during which we had our New Years Eve failure of a party that they contributed to. I don't think we are as high on their priority list anymore. Maybe our biggest problem recently has been a competition for time. A few days after Tall and Sassy moved back to town, Tall reunited with his old best friend, and has a young girlfriend which it seems Sassy has more in common with then me. Now Tall's old/new best friend and girlfriend have basically moved in next door to Tall and Sassy. I don't think that leaves much room for the hubby and I.

I guess that could explain why Tall and Sassy don't come by anymore, but I'm not sure it satisfies me in why they no longer bother to call or text either. (Or even IM, I've seen Sassy online with AIM and she won't IM me, even if I IM her first.) Tall is the one who got us our cell phone, and for four months straight we texted every day. It's been at least five days, and the last thing Tall asked (mind you, this was completely out of the blue, it had been another three days before this that he had texted) what was up and then told us he was going to bed. Random, no? Tall and my hubby even work next door to each other and there has been no other contact.

Our home is used to visitors, I'm used to visitors. No one has stopped by since Monday, that may not seem like a big deal, but it makes me sad and lonely. I feel like it's my fault for some reason, and that just makes me feel worse. The hubby is much more "go with the flow" then I am. Everyone who meets him loves him. I watched three different sitcom reruns yesterday that made me feel worse as well. King of Queens, Everybody Loves Raymond and Malcolm in the Middle. Did you notice that on all three of those shows, all the neighbors love the husband but hate the wife? I feel that way sometimes.

I'm feeling depressed so I can't help but blame myself, right? I'm shy, I'm sarcastic, I'm not good at pretending I like someone after they piss me off and I am sure because of that I come across as quite a bitch. I tend to mother people, I think that's why Tall's ex doesn't like me anymore. I may not have any children yet, but that doesn't mean I don't have any kids. There are so many people that I care about and if they come to me for advice I am going to give it. I think this is another trait I picked up from my mom.

I am taking it all personally, I take everything personally. I even take it personal when Tall's ex leaves her garbage outside her front door for two days simply because we have asked her several times not to do so. I know most often it isn't personal, which is probably why I am ranting here instead of to them.

I can't seem to stop letting things affect me. My hubby says to just stop letting it, I wish I could make him understand that it isn't that easy. I don't know how. I can't explain to him that sometimes I just need to be upset about something before I can get over it, it doesn't make sense to him. What sucks is when I take that time to be upset (time that I can't seem to get out of taking) and it doesn't help. I still feel bad. I'm still hurt or offended.

Is it just me? Is it the female mentality? Is it my over sensitivity? Or am I just a bitch that after a while people no longer want to be friends with? Are Tall and Sassy justified in blowing us off? Am I to blame? Or do all of our friends just suck? Is there a way to fix it?

I'm not necessisarily looking for an answer, maybe just some relief.

Rereading this, I don't think I am having a good morning, let's hope the day gets better.